


Bargaining

by phantombride



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Finale spoilers, M/M, Post Finale, an entire family of reapers, ever wondered how they dealt magnus' death, in law bonding, kravitz makes a deal, more funny than sad tbh, taakitz, the raven queen has a big gay crush on lup, well here's a fic about it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-27
Updated: 2018-11-24
Packaged: 2018-12-20 10:53:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11919390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phantombride/pseuds/phantombride
Summary: “We’ve got to let him through,” Lup says, as they stand in the astral plane. “I can't do shit, but you can, you can take him.”“I can't,” Kravitz replies, “she’d never allow it. The seven of you have broken the laws of life and death more than anyone in existence. She won't let me break another for any of you. Even if I want to.”“Then strike a deal, Kravitz! It's what you do,” Lup says, voice insistent. “You stopped her for coming after them, you stopped her for coming after us, you can make this work. She already lets him visit. He's alive and mortal and she lets him visit. I know that was you.”Kravitz pauses, and thinks. Maybe there is a deal, somewhere. Maybe Lup is right. Maybe he can bargain. “I can't promise anything, Lup, but I will try.”Kravitz strikes a deal.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

  * For [darkavenue](https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkavenue/gifts).



> “We’ve got to let him through,” Lup says, as they stand in the astral plane. “I can't do shit, but you can, you can take him.”
> 
> “I can't,” Kravitz replies, “she’d never allow it. The seven of you have broken the laws of life and death more than anyone in existence. She won't let me break another for any of you. Even if I want to.”
> 
> “Then strike a deal, Kravitz! It's what you do,” Lup says, voice insistent. “You stopped her for coming after them, you stopped her for coming after us, you can make this work. She already lets him visit. He's alive and mortal and she lets him visit. I know that was you.”
> 
> Kravitz pauses, and thinks. Maybe there is a deal, somewhere. Maybe Lup is right. Maybe he can bargain. “I can't promise anything, Lup, but I will try.”

Taako thinks he doesn’t notice. They’ll be standing in the kitchen, sipping wine over whatever delicious concoction he’s cooked up for them that night. Kravitz didn’t used to appreciate food, not really, not since he became a Reaper - but Taako’s food was...well, he couldn’t not appreciate it. Besides, there’s something about Taako that's made him more human. He's even warm, sometimes, now.

 

It will be between bites, between laughs. He sneaks it in, leads the conversation subtly in the direction he wants, and then -

 

“How’s Magnus?” Taako isn’t looking at him when he asks, he never does. He knows he isn’t supposed to, but he also knows that Kravitz will answer. He swirls the wine in his hand as he waits for an answer, looking painfully nonchalant. Kravitz clears his throat. 

 

“He’s good, he’s really good,” Kravitz says. “He and Julia have built houses for their dogs together. He looks...happy. He is constantly talking about you and Merle - have I told you he introduced you to Julia as ‘the most beautiful elf’?”

 

Taako cracks a grin. “Damn right.”

 

“Lup and Barry asked The Raven Queen to allow a small extension on his time there. No matter how I may disagree with their...methods, they are remarkably effective Reapers. She granted the extension at their request.”

 

Taako is beaming now. “Sounds like Lup. How long does he get?”

 

Kravitz shakes his head. “I promised you I would make sure he has enough time, but I don’t know. She’ll tell me to collect him whenever she decides it is time. I don’t think that she’s in any hurry, though.” He sets his wine glass on the counter, and steps closer to Taako. They stand, chest to back, as Kravitz’ hands wrap around his waist. Kravitz knows that Taako misses Magnus, even though he’s never said. He just asks, like this, every few months. 

 

He tries to remember every detail when he passes over, when he stops by the place they have made. They invite him in, always, but he can never stay. He has a job to do. He tries to remember so he can tell Taako, and Merle, and everyone else in the IPRE. Not even Lup and Barry are allowed to go there on their missions for The Raven Queen. The most insistent of the gang is Lucretia. It will be her time soon, too, but she grills him about Magnus every chance she gets. She's not sly like Taako, but insistent. She needs to know. When he obliges, she is radiant, in a way he hasn't seen since Magnus died. She always wants to know that he is happy. She still asks if he is safe, like she is worried something will happen to him in the only place where she can't protect him. 

 

Carey, too. He sees her less often, but she asks without shame. She cries when he tells her how Magnus is doing, every time, but she is happy. She gives him messages in Thieves Cant for Magnus, and if he is able, he relays them. Magnus always responds, and he finds himself tracing patterns in the scales of her palm, even though he himself never learned the language. The last one made her laugh through her tears. She still wears the half of the best friend necklace he gave her. 

 

It's Taako, though, that he can't bear. Taako hides it well, the sadness, but Kravitz can see it clearly. It's the two second beat before one of his witty remarks, the smiles that die early on his face, the way he sometimes forgets to laugh. Even Lup has trouble cheering him up now and again. It breaks her heart to see him like this, and so she is the one to make the plan.

 

“We’ve got to let him through,” Lup says, as they stand in the astral plane. “I can't do shit, but you can, you can take him.”

 

“I can't,” Kravitz replies, “she’d never allow it. The seven of you have broken the laws of life and death more than anyone in existence. She won't let me break another for any of you. Even if I want to.”

 

“Then strike a deal, Kravitz! It's what you do,” Lup says, voice insistent. “You stopped her for coming after them, you stopped her for coming after us, you can make this work. She already lets him visit. He's alive and mortal and she lets him visit. I know that was you.”

 

Kravitz pauses, and thinks. Maybe there is a deal, somewhere. Maybe Lup is right. Maybe he can bargain. “I can't promise anything, Lup, but I will try.”

 

Lup grins at him, and there's so much passion behind the surface it nearly always catches him off guard. “Good luck in Fantasy Deal or No Deal with the literal Goddess of Death. I hope you pick the right case.”

 

“It seems you have more clout with her than I do, lately,” Kravitz teases. 

 

Lup waves her hand dismissively. “Can you blame her? I'm a Taaco. We're ridiculously attractive. This face is...perfection.” She gestures to herself as she talks and gives him a large, sloppy wink. He suddenly gets the very real feeling that he's speaking to Taako. They behave eerily similar sometimes, and he wonders if they have ever noticed. He wonders how much of them is Lup and Taako, and how much of them have blended together. The facial expressions, phrases, gestures, reactions. Lup always says that he is her heart, and Taako has proven there's nothing he wouldn't do for her. He admires them for that.

 

“You should come with me,” He says, watching her face. “Whatever we can use to get her on our side.”

  
  
  


The Raven Queen is always busy. She doesn't spend a lot of her time in the Kingdom, and when she does, she is always distracted. Watching, waiting, giving commands. The entire planar system is her responsibility, and she can't let anyone slip through the cracks. 

 

Kravitz and Lup enter her throne room together. He is nervous, and he greets his Queen with a bow. Lup pulls the hood of her robe down and grins openly at The Raven Queen, with no hint of fear. She offers her the same sloppy wink Kravitz received earlier. He opens his mouth to apologize to her for the lack of respect, but she is already talking-

 

“Kravitz,” The Queen says, letting her eyes linger too long on Lup before she sweeps them over to him. Her gaze is almost overwhelming to him, still. All that power behind the eyes. He is surprised to see that there is the faintest trace of a smile on her face. “If you are here, I know I should expect trouble.”

 

“Not at all, my Queen,” He steps forward, approaching her throne. She looms above him, large and beautiful, and reminds him that he is small. “There is an opportunity that I would not wish to see pass you by.”

 

“Is that so?” She regards him with amusement. “If it's anywhere near as good as the last deal you brought me, I too would be deeply saddened to see it pass by.” Her gaze has returned to Lup again, and Lup is thriving under the attention. He thinks she might even be posing for her.

 

“Actually, it’s funny you say that,” Lup says, and she steps in front of Kravitz. She's closer to the throne than he has ever dared to get, but The Queen doesn't seem to mind. She sits up and leans closer, as if to better hear what Lup has to say. “I think this deal, while not being, like, exactly as good as me - maybe better than me, at like, macaroons, but definitely not better looking - is pretty fucking close.”

 

The Raven Queen raises an eyebrow, and waits for someone to explain.

 

“Taako,” Kravitz clarifies, trying to see over Lup. He fails, and decides to step to the side instead. “We believe he would make an excellent Reaper.”

 

“Taako?” The Queen echoes.

 

“My brother, my  _ twin  _ brother, actually,” Lup says. “My  _ identical  _ twin brother. He's not even a lich, so he's not breaking any of the big life and death rules. And it would be like...having two of me in your service. Which, frankly, is a fucking spectacular deal.” Kravitz watches her bounce her brows.

 

“You've met him, actually,” Kravitz says. “You let me bring him here.”

 

“Oh!” The Queen says, and she smiles. “From TV? Your...husband?”

 

Kravitz thinks about correcting her - were they still considered boyfriends, or was it husbands now, after all this time? He realizes he might be wrong mid-sentence, and it comes out like this - “Yes, my boy...band.”

 

The Raven Queen looks quizzically at him, but Lup is already laughing so hard she has to take a step back. Kravitz buries his face in his palm.

 

“Your  _ boy band _ ?” Lup’s breathing is labored from her laughter, she inhales sharply before continuing. “What is he, in Fantasy Backstreet Boys? This is amazing. My brother _ is _ Fantasy NSYNC, holy shit.”

 

“I didn’t know that was the colloquial term used by mortals now,” The Raven Queen says, looking pensieve. “I’ll make sure to use that in the future.”

 

“No, don’t, it’s not,” Kravitz says, desperately. “Don’t listen to Lup, I just made a mistake-”

 

It’s too late. Lup’s face has lit up, and she’s smiling in the way that he knows is trouble. If Taako and Lup give this smile to each other, you know it’s going to be devastating. He braces himself for the fallout. 

 

“It is!” Lup steps closer to The Raven Queen again. “You know Barry, right? He’s my boy band, though he’s more like Fantasy New Kids on the Block. You can ask him, he’ll back me up. They’re using it all across the planes now. I’m surprised you’ve never heard it before. It’s what happens when two people decide to declare their love in front of friends and family, except they all wear matching outfits, and there’s choreographed dance. It’s really beautiful.”

 

The Raven Queen’s eyes have gone wide, and she’s hanging on Lup’s every word. Kravitz knows there’s no convincing her otherwise anymore. 

 

“I’m so sorry,” Kravitz says, but his voice is quiet. He’s not sure what he is apologizing for, but he knows it was his fault. 

 

“So, what’s the verdict? Can we get my brother in as a Reaper?” Lup asks, and she bends closer to The Queen.

 

The Raven Queen raises her eyes, and lock’s them onto Lup’s face. “I think that can be arranged. If he has the recommendation of my favorite Reaper’s, he’s in.”

 

Kravitz sighs. That was the easy part. There’s still the matter of his real favor, of asking if he can visit Magnus now, as a mortal. He’s trying to think of the best way to approach it when he hears Lup’s voice. 

 

“Also, can Kravitz bring Taako to visit Magnus? You know, since he’s going to pledge his eternal life in service to you and all.”

 

Kravitz’ mouth drops. He swallows. Lup certainly handled that with the appropriate amount of finesse. He’s halfway to apologizing for her again when The Raven Queen speaks.

 

“That can be arranged,” She says, as she surveys the two of them. “I will allow you to take him there, while Magnus remains.”

 

Kravitz closes his mouth. He didn’t expect it to be that easy. Apparently, Lup did. She bows too low, a grandiose gesture that makes The Raven Queen laugh.

 

“Thank you, Mistress,” Lup says. Kravitz stares at her in disbelief.

 

They exit the castle together, Kravitz following behind Lup. Once he catches up, he’s incredulous.

 

“What was that?” He asks. 

 

“What?” Lup responds, a grin still on her face. “She knows I have a boy band. It was just fun. Besides, it worked. We got Taako.”

 

“Yeah, now we’ve only got to tell him,” Kravitz says, with a frown. 

 

“I’ll leave that to you,” Lup says. 

 

“No - don’t abandon me on this, Lup. I’ll need your help. He never gets mad at you.”

 

“Okay, first of all, I’m never forgetting this moment. Do you see this? We’re bonding. Taako will be so proud. Just two Grim Reapers, totally forming an emotional attachment to each other,” She puts an arm around his shoulder. “All right, I’ll go with you. You’re right, you will need my help.” They enter the mortal world together, with Lup's arm still strung around his shoulders.


	2. Chapter 2

Lup only removes her arm from his shoulder to pull Taako into a tight hug. Kravitz can see his smile over her shoulder, the wide and toothy grin he’s grown so fond of. They stand like that for a few moments, clinging to each other, before Taako pulls away.

“Ugh, you smell like death,” He says, and walks toward Kravitz.

“That’s not a nice way to talk about your boyfriend,” Lup quips, stepping into their home. Taako saunters over to him and places a hand on his chest. If he had a heartbeat, Taako would be able to feel it speed up. He’s still smiling, but his grin is different now, more mischievous. He uses his other hand to grab Kravitz’ jaw and pull him into a kiss.

“Missed you,” He says, and Kravitz’ hand comes up to grip his.

“I missed you, too,” He responds, still feeling the residual warmth from Taako’s lips on his own.

“As you should. There’s no way Lup’s better company than me. Plus, I made this bomb ass polpo alla griglia. The softest shit you’ll ever put in your mouth. You better come in before it gets all cold and weird. Like you.” Taako is already headed inside, and Kravitz follows.

He should be used to how good their house smells. Taako is one hell of a chef on his own, and he occasionally gets the added benefit of Lup’s help. She’s already plating the food when they walk into the kitchen. 

“Dude, too much salt,” Lup says, as she sets the plates on the table. 

“You wish,” Taako says, as he slides into his seat. He's already halfway to taking his first bite when he realizes both Kravitz and Lup are still standing. “Any particular reason you guys are being extra spooky and weird right now?”

Kravitz looks desperately at Lup. If she can get what she wants from The Raven Queen, this should be easy for her. 

“Yeah. You got us. You're gonna be a Reaper! High-five, bro!” Lup brings her hand in for a high five but Taako makes no move to reciprocate.

“I'm gonna fucking what?” Taako says, looking confused.

“We thought you might like to join us. As a Reaper,” Kravitz explains.

“You pledged my eternal life to a Goddess without even asking me?”

Kravitz and Lup share a look - maybe they should have talked to him first. Kravitz has already started to panic. 

“I'm just fucking with you, Taako’s cool with it. Those scythes are dope as hell. So, like, when do I start?” He says, finally returning Lup’s high five.

“It won't be until after you die,” Kravitz says, “though we have pre-negotiated an agreement.”

“After I die? That sucks, my dude, that's gonna be a minimum of hundreds of years from now. Did she not realize I'm an elf?”

“We’ll see. I can murder you to kick start your career, if you want,” Lup says, taking her seat.

“And what did you mean, pre-negotiated deal? Do I have to make a blood sacrifice? I'm not super good with carving sigils into flesh, and the whole black robe thing doesn't really work for me-”

“It's about Magnus.” Taako quits talking when he hears the name.

“She's going to allow you to visit him. That's the deal.”

Taako is quiet for a few moments. “Okay. Okay. Yeah. All right. Sounds fucking awesome. There's just...one thing.”

“Yes?” 

“I'm bringing Merle,” Taako says, and it isn't a question. Kravitz wants to scream. The thought of asking The Raven Queen for another favor is ludicrous and beyond that also completely terrifying. He's about to say no when Lup cuts him off.

“Hell yeah, Tres Horny Boys are back. Don't worry, Taako, I'll get the in for you. Rave’s a piece of cake.” The smile she gives Taako is a perfect reflection of the smile he's wearing.

Kravitz looks at her in awe. He knows she will be able to accomplish this last, impossible task. Or, oh, Goddess, he hopes so.

\---------------

Kravitz gets the summons late that night. Taako is asleep, curled up on his chest, when the feathers in his bag start to glow. The Raven Queen rarely summons anyone, and when she does…

“Shit,” Kravitz curses into the dark. He moves Taako’s arm from around him, and slides out from beneath him. He places a kiss on his forehead as he gently lowers his head onto a pillow. Taako is far too deep into sleep to notice, and lets out a roaring snore in response. He refuses to admit he snores, of course. He denies it plainly while knowing full well Kravitz does not sleep. 

He begins to dress as the feathers grow brighter. She’s insistent, impatient. He has to hurry. When he’s finished he grabs his scythe from his bag, and with a deep, steadying breath, he enters the astral plane. 

He appears just outside of The Raven Queen’s castle. He’s about to take the steps up to the door when he hears a voice. 

“Kravitz! I thought you were off tonight. Aren’t you supposed to be with my brother?” He turns to see Lup and Barry, hand-in-hand.

Kravitz walks toward them, keenly aware of the feathers burning brightly in his pocket. He doesn’t have much time, but he has to talk to them. He raises nervous eyes to meet Lup’s, and clears his throat. 

“The Raven Queen summoned me,” He says, his voice flat. Lup’s eyes go wide, and Barry’s jaw drops. 

“Oh, shit,” Lup says, a frown on her lips. “We’re going to have to reap you.”

“Maybe it isn’t what we think,” Barry interjects, though Kravitz can tell he’s just trying to make him feel better. “Maybe she just has something...important to tell you?”

Lup shakes her head. “You poor, undead soul. You better get out of here. Your robes look like they’re going to catch fire.”

Kravitz looks down at the light bursting from his pocket, and nods. He starts up the steps at a run.

“Good luck!” Barry calls.

“I’ll make sure to tell my brother that you died!” Lup says, and gives him a two-finger salute.

He pushes open the doors to the castle with one thought in his head. If this is the end, he will face it with dignity. He has served his Queen for many years, dutifully, and with pleasure. If she wishes to punish him for some misstep, it is well within her rights. He knew he crossed the line with Taako, and now with Merle. He has been disrespectful, he has questioned her judgment and disregarded her rules. This is it. He bows low as he enters her Throne Room, and swallows hard. 

“My Queen,” He says, too afraid to look up from the floor. 

“Kravitz,” She says, and there’s an edge to her voice. “Why have you kept me waiting?”

“I am sorry, my Queen,” He sputters, trying to explain. “I was not in this world. I came as soon as I could, and then I had the unfortunate luck to run into Lup and Barry outside. They wanted to speak to me, very briefly.”

He returns to full height, and watches The Raven Queen’s face. He promised himself he would do this with dignity. 

“Ah,” The Raven Queen says, and he can’t tell if it’s indicative of understanding or anger. “That brings me to why I brought you here, Kravitz. Come, sit.” In his nervousness he hadn’t even noticed the chair she brought for him, set uncomfortably near her throne. He takes the seat in front of her and tries to remain calm. 

He fails miserably. 

“Do you want to know why I brought you here, Kravitz?” She is closer to him than ever, and her beauty and power is truly overwhelming. It is not the first time he remembers he serves a Goddess, but he has never been reminded so strongly. Unable to find his voice, he nods. 

The Raven Queen casts a nervous glance down at her hands - a gesture extremely uncharacteristic for her, and then returns her gaze to his face. 

“I require information,” She says.

“Anything, if there’s anything I know that could better serve you -”

She cuts him off. “Does Lup talk about me?”

Kravitz feels his mouth fall open. That can’t be why she called him here. It’s impossible. She’s certainly going to kill him. That is much more plausible. 

“I’m sorry?”

“Does Lup talk about me?” She asks again, the irritation in her voice apparent. “You know. When she’s out there.” She gestures to the outside of her realm with one large arm. “Does she mention me, to you? To Taako, from TV?”

Kravitz is in utter disbelief. He takes too long to respond.

“You know that you cannot lie to your Queen, Kravitz,” She says, and it is only a little bit of a threat. The little bit is enough.

“Er, yeah, sometimes,” Kravitz says, and he lies anyway. Well, they’re more of half-truths. Greatly exaggerated truths. He doesn’t want to know how The Raven Queen would react to heartbreak. “She tells stories of your power, but most often, of your beauty.”

The Raven Queen smiles wide. “Anything else?”

“She has a nickname for you,” He adds, after thinking for a moment. “She calls you ‘Rave’, most often when she’s talking to Taako.”

“Rave,” The Raven Queen repeats, and her smile is bigger than he’s ever seen it. “You must refer to me as that, from now on.”

“Yes, my - Rave,” Kravitz says, and he mentally curses Lup. 

“Is she still with the...bluejeans man? Are they...boy bands?” The Raven Queen looks away from him as she asks. He finds himself feeling strangely sorry for her.

“Barry? Unfortunately, yes,” Kravitz says, and he gives her a frown. 

The Raven Queen looks noticeably less excited. “Ah. Yes. Well. At least she talks about me, hmm? Thank you for your service, Kravitz. You may leave.”

“Is that - is that all you wanted?” He asks. It can't be. 

“Oh, yes, you're free to go. Please...tell Lup I asked about her.”

A command from his Goddess is still a command, no matter how ridiculous he finds it. He’ll have to find an excuse to talk to Lup later, when she's alone. Ideally, that will make the conversation less awkward. If that's even possible.

When he gets back the material plane, Taako is awake, waiting up for him in their bed. He begins to undress before he hears Taako speak.

“Hey, guess you didn't die, after all. Which is good. ‘Cause I made a bet with Lup, and you definitely just made me a mad chunk of cash.”

Kravitz snorts. “I'm glad my returning un-smote from an impromptu meeting with a powerful and deadly Goddess attributed to your wealth.” He slides into bed next to Taako.

“Yeah, and obviously, this bed wouldn't have been the same without you.” He curls into Kravitz’ chest again, head resting on his shoulder. “It'd be a lot warmer.”

Kravitz laughs and Taako is so close he moves with it.

“What did your Queen want at this hour, anyway? New mission? My autograph?”

“She wants to fuck your sister.”

Taako laughs so hard he snorts, the bed moves with the force of it. “No way. Fucking gross, dude. And you're what, supposed to be her wingman?”

“It appears that way, yes.”

“This is so good. Too good. Being a Reaper is going to be way more fun than I previously thought.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The scene between Kravitz and The Raven Queen was directly inspired by a convo I had with the funniest person I know @darkavenue ❤️
> 
> (She writes taz stuff too and you should probably read it)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Sorry this took so long. I went on a long vacation and have been catching up ever since. Just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has left feedback, it means a lot to me and I'm glad you enjoy my story.

Kravitz never really cared much for the beach. He was Death and Finality and The End, and he did not like the sun. It was too hot, and too bright, and he always found sand in the pockets of his cloak for months to come. He greatly preferred somewhere dark, and shady, and maybe with a little bit of rain. Unfortunately, he and Taako were at Bottlenose Cove.

Merle’s Extreme Teen Adventures were still going strong, the demand only having increased as time went on. Mookie lead his own groups now, and Mavis left to join Lucretia at the new Bureau of Benevolence. The two establishments worked in tandem, with Merle sending his best recruits to help her in whatever capacity she needed them. Lucretia and the Bureau responded by building up Bottlenose Cove, expanding it, and providing living spaces for all of the people who wanted to attend Merle’s guild.

“You look ridiculous, you know,” Taako says, and he flicks the handle of the umbrella Kravitz is holding to block the sun with a long finger.

“You carried an umbrella with you for years,” Kravitz says, matter-of-factly. Kravitz is dressed head-to-toe in his normal formal attire, dark suit and Reaper’s cloak included. He doesn’t really feel hot, not like he did when he was alive, but the sensation of the sun on his skin is...uncomfortable.

“Yeah, but that was a staff,” Taako replies, and he smirks. He loves the beach, and the heat, and the feeling of sun on his skin. He’s wearing a wide-brimmed hat and the world’s smallest pair of shorts under an oversized tank top. They make quite the pair, walking together like this. “This is just...you’re not even alive. What do you think is going to happen? A skeleton can’t get sunburnt.”

“I am more comfortable this way,” Kravitz says, but he shifts the umbrella to his other hand and out of Taako’s reach.

“Hey, babe?” Taako says, and Kravitz watches him push his unreasonably large sunglasses up his nose with a smirk. “I think we’re being recognized.”

Kravitz looks up to see a small crowd of people gathered in front of them. They are whispering and pointing excitedly. Taako flashes Kravitz a wide grin and steps toward the crowd.

“Yes, I am, and please, no flash photography,” He says, and Kravitz watches him strike a pose. And then another. And another. The transitions are seamless, and Kravitz has to admit that he’s impressed. Taako’s tossing his hair over his shoulder when someone points behind him. The crowds excited murmuring becomes audibly louder as they step forward and away from Taako, leaving him posing in front of nothing.

Taako stops dead and turns around to see where the crowd has gathered.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

Kravitz turns to see Merle coming down the road, Mavis and Mookie in tow. They’re leading a group of around 30 kids, and when they approach, the crowd loses their minds.

“Merle! Merle, look at me!”

“I love you, Merle!”

“Merle, say hi!”

Merle waves and bows as walks through the crowd, soaking up the attention. He stops briefly to plant a kiss on a potted plant someone holds out for him, and Kravitz watches as the plant flowers. Between his group and the crowd that has formed, he doesn’t see Kravitz or Taako. They finally pass on their way back to the guild, and the people gathered start to disperse. Taako is still standing in the same spot he was, his mouth hanging open. Kravitz has never seen him look this confused or disoriented in his life.

“There’s no fucking way that just happened,” Taako says, and his voice is so small it’s almost a whisper. “There’s no fucking way that just happened. I’m...Taako.”

“Mmmhmm, from TV,” Kravitz responds, nodding with a smile.

“I mean, look at me-”

“I have been.” Taako is too preoccupied with disappointment to hear him.

“I look amazing, I have clothing companies and cookware in like 80 different planes, these sunglasses are designer, and - Merle? Merle?”

“It appears that way, yes.” Kravitz is trying very hard not to laugh.

Taako shakes his head, as if trying to clear the memory of what he just saw. “Listen, Krav, I love you. I do. But if you ever...ever tell anyone about what just took place here, I will have to fucking kill you. Which I’m like, half sure I can do now, since I’m technically a Reaper. Reaper-in-Training. Whatever. We cool?”

“I would never do that to you,” Kravitz says, but even as he says it, a thought bursts into his head: I cannot wait to tell Lup exactly what just happened.

Taako eyes him suspiciously for a few moments, but they make their way to the guild eventually. The building is massive, and only seems to keep getting larger every time he sees it. They enter the main hall together, and Kravitz is taken aback at the sheer number of people inside. He is scanning the crowd for any sign of Merle when he hears a familiar voice.

“Hello, sirs!”

“Angus?” Taako’s eyes go wide from behind the sunglasses. “Why are you here? You know you’re not exactly an Extreme Teen anymore, right?”

“Of course not, it’s just,” Angus casts a nervous glance at the floor. “When I was, we were all so busy helping to rebuild the world, and I was learning so much at Lucas’ school, and later, at yours, and then, teaching...I never got the chance to explore what Uncle Merle was doing here, and I thought he might be able teach me something new.”

“Ohoho, Ango, that’s where you’re wrong,” Taako says, chuckling. “You already learned from the best, my man. And take it from me - Merle is not the guy you want to go to for advice. Do you like your arm? Is that something you don’t want to lose? Just stick with ol’ Taako here. Also, like...you’re three times the average age here. It’s a little weird.”

Angus laughs, and steps closer to Taako. Kravitz can tell he’s waiting to see if Taako will accept a hug.

“All right, fine, I guess,” Taako says, as if exasperated. He opens his arms to embrace Angus in a tight hug, and ruffles his hair as they part.

“I’m an adult now, sir,” Angus says, a hand shooting up to smooth his hair.

“Yeah, whatever you say, Boy Detective,” Taako says. “Where is the old man? We've got business. Tell him Death has finally come for him.”

Angus immediately pales. “Is that really why you’re here? Kravitz, are you - you know -”

“No, of course not, if I were, you wouldn’t be able to see me,” Kravitz says.

  
“Shit, he must be here for you then,” Taako quips. “I definitely didn’t invite him. Are you here, babe?” Taako starts wildly waving his hands around, as if he can’t clearly see Kravitz next to him. He finally makes contact with Kravitz’ chest, and uses the moment to liberally grope him. “If you’re here, give me a sign,” He says, his hand having found its way to Kravitz’ ass.

“Oh, haha, Taako,” Angus says, looking visibly relaxed, though a little bit uncomfortable.

“I’m off duty,” Kravitz reassures Angus. “There will be no reaping done by me tonight.”

“Good,” Angus says. “I can take you to where I usually find Merle around this time. It’s not here, though, it’s-”

“Chesney’s,” Taako says, a look of horror on his face.

\------------

Chesney’s was quite as garish as Kravitz expected it to be. The lights were bright and colorful and directly clashed with the bar’s attempt to portray a cowboy vibe. A sign on the door proudly proclaimed:

NO SHIRT, NO SHOES, NO PROBLEMS

He hears Taako groan.

The inside of the bar is somehow worse than the outside. All wait staff is wearing cowboy hats and uniforms made of denim-on-denim. There are life-sized portraits of Kenny Chesney painted on the walls, and in the center, a mechanical bull. Kravitz also sees a tractor meant for posing for pictures in, the words, “SHE THINKS MY TRACTOR’S SEXY” painted in yellow down the side. He suddenly feels like returning to the astral plane.

A dwarf woman with a few missing teeth and a scar down her eye asks where she can seat them. She hands them three cowboy hats which Taako eyes in disgust and refuses to take from her hand. Kravitz grabs one out of politeness but tosses it in the nearest trashcan. Angus, apparently more into the theme than he would have thought, places the hat on his head.

“We’re just looking for Merle,” Angus replies, adjusting his cowboy hat.

“The Earl is a very busy man, y’all got appointments?”

Taako sputters. He’s about to reply to her when Angus talks over him.

“We’re family,” Angus says. “I’m Angus, and I’m with Taako and Kravitz.”

“Don’t say my name in this godforsaken place,” Taako hisses.

The waitress perks up upon hearing their names. “Of course, darlin’, follow me. The Earl’s got his own table, a course. Think I’ve seen you with him a time or two.”

“Yes, I come here every once in awhile,” Angus says, looking embarrassed. Taako is eyeing him with the same amount of disgust he eyed the cowboy hats with.

“I’m disowning you,” Taako whispers.  
The dwarf woman leads them to the back of the bar and through a closed off section. They approach a large table where Mavis, Mookie, and Merle all sit, laughing. They’re all wearing the cowboy hats. Centered above the table is a large, neon sign with the word:

 _Merlegaritaville_

Kravitz grabs Taako’s shirt to keep him from turning heel and leaving the restaurant entirely.

“Kravitz, Taako!” Merle says, grinning. He slams his wooden arm on the table. “Come, sit down, sit down! It’s been too long. I see you’ve brought the boy.”

“Hi, Uncle Merle,” Angus says, tipping his hat.

Kravitz sits beside Merle while Angus slides in next to Mavis. Taako stays on his feet for a few moments before sitting gingerly next to Kravitz.

“What brings you to the bar at the end of the world?” Merle asks, a grin on his face.

“Oh, no, we are not fucking doing THAT,” Taako says, but Angus is quicker.

“You and tequila,” Angus responds, and Merle roars with laughter.

“Thank God for kids,” Merle says, as he recovers.

“If anyone makes another fucking Kenny Chesney reference in front of me, I will burn this entire bar to the fucking ground. Are we clear?” Taako says.

“All right, all right, calm down,” Merle says. “You don’t have to go setting the world on fire.”

Taako goes to pull the krebstar from the pocket of his shorts as Kravitz’ hand shoots down to stop him. He gives Kravitz an annoyed look but then falls back in his seat.

“Fine,” Taako says, “but I swear to God, I will do it.”

“Easy, Taako. Why don’t you get a drink, on me, and tell me why you and Kravitz are here? It ain’t my time, is it?”

“Taako already made that joke,” Angus says, shaking his head. Taako nods.

“Ah, well, can’t win ‘em all-” Merle says, signalling the nearest waitress. He buys a round for them - a drink aptly titled The Good Stuff. As the drinks are served, Taako begins to speak.

“So, we’re going to go see Magnus,” Taako says, nonchalantly. He and Lup certainly had a talent for jumping straight to the point.

“What? Is that allowed?” Merle says, looking at Kravitz for clarification.

“No,” Kravitz says, firmly.

“Lup pulled some strings,” Taako explains. “The Goddess of Death wants to bone her down, I guess. Anyway, the deal is The Raven Queen gets me - in all of my beauty and glory, of which there is a fucking lot - to work for her as a new recruit, and we get to see Magnus. Cool, right?”

Merle looks concerned. “You’re gonna be a Reaper, too?”

“Yeah,” Taako responds. “I’m going to look good as hell with that scythe.”

“She said I could come, too?” Merle asks.

“No,” Kravitz says, again.

“Not exactly,” Taako corrects, “but we’re going to do it anyway.”

“Ah. Yeah, that sounds about how we used to do things,” Merle says. He takes a moment to think, and then raises his glass. “Tres Horny Boys are back, baby. Let’s do it.”

Taako grins and clinks his glass against Merle’s, but never actually takes a drink.

“Dope,” Taako says, covertly pushing the drink toward Kravitz. “I’ll let you know when we’re ready. Maybe remember to turn your Stone of Farspeech off silence every once in awhile so I don’t have to come back to this ridiculous fucking establishment.”

“Yeah, yeah, pretend you call me -”

“I do! You just don’t answer -”

“Happens to me all of the time!”

Kravitz tunes out as the conversation grows more raucous. Soon Merle and Taako are trading stories to the delight of Angus, Mookie, and Mavis, who have a few stories of their own. Taako starts recounting tales from he and Lup’s childhood, which have the whole table laughing. By the end of the night, Kravitz has to basically carry Taako back to their room, and when he deposits him onto their bed, he notices Taako is wearing a cowboy hat.


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Area Woman Knows She Must Ride Urge to Write as Far as it Will Take Her: An Apology (yes, I'm still here, thank you, sorry)

Kravitz is always up well before Taako. Most days, he’s content to stay in bed, letting his mind drift as he soaks up Taako’s warmth, listening to the ridiculous, incredible thing that is his breathing. Today, probably due to whatever concoction they served him at Chesney’s, Taako has slept in well past his usual waking hour. Kravitz uses the extra time on his hands to make coffee. Taako has gotten transfiguring the beans down to a science - they are always perfectly roasted and flavorful, but most importantly, incredibly strong. He makes a double shot for Taako, sweet and full of milk and cinnamon. He takes his black, and pours Merle a half-shot, sweetened. They have an appointment this morning, and just as he sets the mugs on the table, he hears Merle knock.

 

Kravitz greets Merle with a smile, surprised to find him looking no worse for the wear after last night. In fact, he seems to be in an incredible mood, and he hugs Kravitz around the middle as soon as the door is open. 

 

“Hello, Merle,” Kravitz says, stepping back from the door. He reaches down and gingerly hugs him back.

 

“Hmm, is that coffee?” Merle says, breaking away from the embrace by giving Kravitz a hard pat on the back. “Smells delicious. Where’s our boy? Couldn’t hang?” He answers his own question with a low, rumbling laugh.

 

“So it would seem,” Kravitz replies, taking a seat at the table. He brings the coffee to his lips - just now cool enough to drink. Perfect. 

 

Almost on cue, Taako appears in the kitchen. He’s wearing the exact outfit he wore last night, the cowboy hat still slung around his neck. His hair is tousled and hanging in his face, but through it, Kravitz can tell he hasn’t put on his glamours yet. Kravitz expects them to fly up on reflex when he notices Merle. Instead, Taako runs his hand through his hair to push it out of his face, and slides into the seat next to Kravitz. Kravitz leans over and presses a kiss to his cheekbone. 

 

“Well, look who has decided to join us,” Merle teases. “Couldn’t handle your alcohol after all, huh?”

 

“Shut it, old man,” Taako says, his voice still rough from sleep. He picks up his mug and drains his coffee in one go. “Thanks, babe. The touch of cinnamon is nice, where did you get that from? Oh, yeah, me.”

 

Kravitz shakes his head, and Taako takes the moment to lean towards him. He places one hand on his thigh, brings his face close enough that their lips are a hair’s breadth apart, then reaches up and snatches the cup of coffee from Kravitz’ hands. He falls back into his own chair, looking smug, and downs the shot of espresso. 

 

“Ugh, I forgot your taste buds are literally dead,” Taako says, the edges of his mouth curling down. He grimaces. “All right. I’m like, halfway to fully awake now.” Kravitz gives Taako a hurt look. “What? You don’t need caffeine anyway, you don’t even have a real body.” Kravitz’ expression doesn’t change. “Ugh, fine.” Taako gets up, pulling the string around his neck so the cowboy hat falls as he stands, and starts working on fixing another cup for them all. 

 

“This is what you interrupted my beauty sleep for? You don’t stay looking this good at my age without getting your rest.”

 

Taako snorts from the kitchen. “You’d need a beauty coma.”

 

“You’ve never been in the astral plane before,” Kravitz says, turning to more fully face Merle.

 

“What, do I have to get a shot? Is there an anti-death vaccination?” Merle asks, raising an eyebrow. 

 

“Not quite,” Kravitz says. “First, I need to know something. I can only permit you access to the astral plane in your living body a single time. Are you sure you want to use it for this?”

 

“For Magnus? Of course,” Merle says, without a moment of hesitation. “It’s not like I have a lot of life left, kid. I’ll take my chance when I have it.”

 

Kravitz supposes correcting him about his word choice would be pedantic, but he still can’t help but count the centuries he surpasses Merle in age in his head. He’s calculating the exact number when Taako returns. He places a mug in front of Merle, one in front of his seat, and hands Kravitz his own with a tiny bow. Kravitz grins, taking the cup from his hands, and presses another kiss to Taako’s shoulder as he takes his seat. 

 

“It’s not, like, the funnest experience you’ll ever have,” Taako says, “the astral plane always feels...slimy. Kind of cold. There’s a distinct, but not entirely unpleasant, smell.”

 

Kravitz mouth falls slightly open. “You never, uh, never told me that.”

 

“Well, yeah, I couldn’t, not when you suggested it for our, like, honeymoon,” Taako counters. “It’s super beautiful and definitely like one of a kind but it’s a little slimy. It’s fine. Slimy can be...sexy.”

 

“Oh, sure,” Merle agrees. “Nothing sexier than a bit of slime.”

 

“Gross.”

 

“I was only agreeing with you-“

 

“Nope, sorry, I stopped listening. My eardrums committed suicide, and now I can’t hear anything you say. You proud of yourself?”

 

“Anyone ever tell you you’re overdramatic?”

 

“What? Did you hear him, Krav?” 

 

Kravitz looks between the two of them in amusement. His mouth curls up in a playful half smirk. “Yes, I heard him. He said there was nothing sexier than slime.”

 

Merle barks a laugh and reaches up to high-five Kravitz as Taako lets out a full body shudder. “Et tu, babe?” Kravitz returns Merle’s high five and responds with a shrug. 

 

“You were being a little ridiculous,” Kravitz concedes. 

 

“How fucking dare you,” Taako says, “I have never been ridiculous a day in my life. I can’t believe - the audacity - ridiculous - me? Me?” He’s doing a semi-convincing job of looking offended, but they both can see through it. “All right. Fine. Whatever.”

 

“Atta boy,” Merle says. “No couple’s quarrels at the table.”

 

“Weren’t we talking about something important before the two of you decided to ruthlessly gang up on me and ruin my morning and also, my entire life?”

 

“You were getting into the finer points of the astral plane,” Merle says. “Really getting into the smell.”

 

“Right,” Taako says. “And it lingers...I’m just saying, don’t take anything you don’t mind having the faint smell of death on. That’s basically everything I own thanks to my impeccable choice in romantic partners, but you might want to be a little more selective.”

 

“You can’t take any weapons, magical items, potions, holy symbols, communication devices - anything of that nature,” Kravitz says. 

 

“Gee, that makes me feel real safe,” Merle says, rolling his eyes. 

 

“What are you afraid of? Nothing there has a corporeal form,” Taako says. “And they can’t possess you, either, though, that would be kind of dope.”

 

“You also can’t take anything from the astral plane,” Kravitz says. “Even if Magnus offers it to you. Even if he asks. He shouldn’t, he knows the rules.”

 

“Mmhmm,” Merle says, looking at Taako, who shrugs. “And you’re going to make sure he knows this, too?”

 

“Well,” Kravitz says, looking to the side. “I haven’t, um, I haven’t exactly...told him yet.”

 

“Oh, love THAT,” Taako says. “Let’s roll up on him and convince him we both died, tragically.”

 

“Absolutely not,” Kravitz says, but the look Merle and Taako share tells him he’s going to have a hard time stopping them from doing exactly that.

 

Just then, a rift splits their kitchen open. They see the pointed tip of a scythe, and then, through it, grinning and covered in soot, steps Lup. “Sup?” She says, and she walks over to Taako. She reaches down and plucks the mug from his hands with a grin. “Thanks, Koko.”

 

“See where I get it?” Taako says to Kravitz. “She’s a bad influence.”

 

“He thinks I’m an ‘influence’ because I’m three minutes older,” Lup explains, shaking her head. 

 

“She’s taking advantage of my youth and innocence,” Taako says. “And she’s getting ash all over my kitchen.”

 

“What? I just got off work,” Lup says, and takes a seat on the countertop. “There are new bounties, Krav. Lady Istus came by this morning.” 

 

Kravitz pulls his book from inside his cloak. He leafs through the pages, reading the new entries idly. Nothing sticks out. He nods.

 

“Also,” Lup says, clearing her throat. “She gave Taako his first Reaper mission. She thinks it’ll be good practice, apparently. She looked very pleased.” Lup tosses an envelope to Kravitz, who unfolds the scroll inside with curiosity. It seems odd that she would assign him a bounty so early. 

 

There is only one name, and Kravitz understands. The date is a few days from now. He swallows, and shares a look with Lup that says a lot of things at once. Overwhelmingly, sadness. He folds it up and sticks the envelope in the pocket of his waistcoat. He will give it to Taako, he will, but later. After they see Magnus. Maybe, then, the news won’t hit as hard. He runs his thumb over where he knows the name is written.

  
  


_ Lucretia _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you want to send me prompts/yell at me to write/just be my friend, you can find me at moonlit-trash over on tumblr!


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taako auditions for The Raven Queen.

It’s midnight and Taako is just now getting ready for bed. Kravitz left only fifteen minutes ago – reaper stuff – so he hasn’t had time. Besides, Kravitz doesn’t fully appreciate his routine. How does he think Taako manages to look this good in his ripe elven age without moisturizer? This face takes maintenance. He pulls his hair into a messy top knot and slides into the bed they share. With Kravitz gone he thinks he might be able to generate some heat under the covers. He climbs in and sets two cucumbers delicately on his eyes – post hangover puffiness is never cute. He’s starting to drift off when he hears it – the tell tale sign of a scythe, tearing open a rift.

“Forget something, love?” He asks, not bothering to move. “Or did you get fired? Lup says she’s The Raven Queen’s favorite, now.”

He feels the cucumbers get plucked off of his eyes. 

“I am.” Standing above him and now taking a generous bite of the slice on his right eye is Lup herself, in full reaper regalia and grinning. He sees Barry at the corner of the room and he waves as he catches his eye. 

“All right, what’s up, Lulu?” Taako says, sitting up in his bed. “Are we having some kind of a party? Is this an initiation? Are you going to make me try your ceviche again? Because that was awful -”

“One of those statements is true, and it isn’t the one about my ceviche, which is easily ten times better than yours,” Lup says, shoving the rest of the cucumber in her mouth. 

“Yeah, if you like one note flavor -”

“We’re hazing you. Come on,” Lup says, and grabs Taako by the hand.

“You expect me to meet the Goddess of Death like this?” Taako says, gesturing to his pajamas. 

“Uh, yeah? She’s dead dude, she doesn’t care. Also, you’re gonna get new clothes in like, twenty minutes,” she explains, tugging Taako out of bed.

“If it’s the uniform, I’m taking a pass on the flame motif,” Taako says, eyeing Lup’s clothes. “It’s tacky. Kravitz’ gig is all right, a little stuffy for me. Barold’s is the simplest and somehow also the worst. How did he manage to get blue jeans under the robe? How was that allowed? Was this not a sin against aesthetics?”

“You don’t get to pick,” Barry says, going a little red. “It just sort of...happens. You’ll see.”

“Your jeans look great, babe. Taako’s just a dick,” Lup says, swinging her scythe, one hand still holding her brother’s. 

“She’s not wrong,” Taako agrees, and smiles at Barry. The man may not know how to dress himself but he loved Lup almost as much as Taako did, and that very nearly made up for his terrible taste. Despite what Lup says, he throws on a long black satin robe and belts it at the waist. He takes his hair down and shakes it out for good measure. This way he looks fashionable but not like he tried, like Lup happened to stumble in on him perched perfectly at the end of a chaise lounge drinking a glass of expensive red wine and he had just enough time to gently set the glass down before she whisked him away. 

“You’re ridiculous,” Lup says, and she begins to pull him through the rift.

“I am telling a story,” Taako says, as he steps through. “I can’t just be seen in pajamas, Lup, I’d be the laughing stock of several planes. It’s hard being the fashionable twin, but I guess you wouldn’t know. People have expectations.”

“Speaking of expectations,” Lup says, and Taako watches as the scythe in her hand disappears. “You’re about to meet The Raven Queen. Try to behave yourself.”

Not that he’d admit it (or that anyone, besides maybe his sister, could tell) but he was feeling a little nervous. Sure, he’d met The Raven Queen before, but this was like, a job interview. Where getting the job meant immortality, and totally bombing it meant...well. 

Bombing was not an option. 

Lup cut the rift just in front of The Raven Queen’s castle. It’s design was just large and dramatic enough to pique his interest – at least he’d be serving someone with good taste. Still, the castle loomed before him, reminding him that this was literally a matter of life and death. Just as his nerves start to get the best of him, he feels Lup squeeze his hand. He turns his eyes from the castle to his sister, and she’s wearing a grin so wide it might split her face. He doesn’t say anything, just nods, and Lup presses her forehead against his. It’s like a switch flips inside him - his uncertainty gives way and his trademark Taako swagger returns. Her quiet vote of confidence is all he needs – after all, she did always have a way of making him feel like he could take on anything. 

Lup takes both of his hands in hers as they stop at the bottom of the stairs to the castle. She doesn’t look nervous, just happy - excited, even. 

“You got this,” She says, beaming. 

“Uh. Of course I do. It’s me,” Taako says, and returns her smile. “Can’t wait for you to see my totally sick reaper look. Gonna put y’all to absolute shame. I’ll be the finest Reaper to have ever gone and reaped in this plane or any other.”

He pulls himself to full wizarding height and gives his sister a wink before ascending the stairs. He throws open the first set of double doors with a flourish – first impressions are everything, and he never misses a chance to be overdramatic. He expects the hall to be empty, but instead he finds Kravitz, wearing a much more reserved smile than the one he just received from Lup. 

“Here to be part of my hype squad?” Taako asks. 

“Absolutely,” Kravitz says, and takes Taako gently by the elbow. “Also, to escort you.” 

“All right. Take me to your leader,” He says, and links his arm with Kravitz’. “You know, I could’ve figured it out on my own. I do have magic powers.”

“Forgive me for wanting to see you off,” Kravitz says, throwing him a look. “Besides, I think you’ll find your magic changes here.” He stops them in front of a set of large, black marble doors. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Kravitz gives him a playful half-smile. “You’ll see.”

“Geeze, how incredibly reassuring and totally not ominous and creepy at all. Thanks a fuckin lot, babe.” 

“Don’t worry,” Kravitz says, and leans forward to place a kiss on his forehead. “She’s going to love you.”

“Everyone always does,” Taako says, turning away from Kravitz to slide open the giant doors.

Taako has travelled through many universes. He has lived for centuries. He stood before a mass that consumed worlds and lives and planes and chose to fight it - over, and over, until he won. He’s seen things he’ll never be able to explain, lost and regained a century’s worth of memories. He’s even stood before a Goddess before, and Lady Istus is nothing to turn your nose up at. But this...he is honestly and truly taken aback.

The Raven Queen is breathtaking. She fills up half the room with her presence alone, which does not account for how large she really is. Her magic is strong and potent and once he learns that she is the source he realizes he’s seen it shimmering all around this plane. She’s seated upon an ornate and massive throne, one hand lazily gripping a staff. The cloak she wears is made of raven’s feathers and imbued with magic - it falls in waves to the floor, shifting in the light, it looks like it holds stars. She is wearing the skull of a bird as a mask, though he knows there’s no bird large enough for that to be true, and yet. Beneath it, he can tell that she is beautiful, in the same undeniable way that waterfalls and sunrises and death are beautiful.

He understands, now, why Kravitz chose to give his life to her. 

He almost feels his stomach drop out of his asshole, but The Raven Queen is smiling at him and eyeing him like he’s some curious new discovery. 

“I’m...Taako,” is all he manages to sputter out. It’s probably the least charming introduction he’s ever given anyone.

“You look just like her,” The Raven Queen says, and she looks pleased. 

“Who? Oh - Lup? Yeah, she stole my face,” Taako says. “Technically, I stole hers, because she is older - but hey, who’s counting?”

“You stole her face?” The Raven Queen says, and her whole demeanor changes. He watches her hand tighten around her staff and his fear level rises to sheer panic. 

“No - no, it’s a joke! Little Faerun humor. We were born like this. Matching. Face. Hair. Incredible chef talents. Delicious layers of charm and wit. A Taaco family specialty.” He might actually throw up, which would definitely count as bombing it. 

“Hmm,” The Raven Queen says. After a moment, her hand goes slack. She laughs, low and rumbling. “Matching. Are there more of you?”

“Uh, no. Sadly, these genes are confined to just the two of us. It’s a pity, right? Imagine what the world could’ve done with a few more Taacos,” Taako says, and he gives her his most charismatic grin. It seems to work well enough. She hasn’t gone for her staff yet, at least. 

“Tell me, Taako Taaco, brother of Lup Taaco, slayer of The Hunger, renowned magician, and wizard from TV…” She lets her staff go and leans forward. She places her elbows in her lap and surveys him over the steeple of her hands. “Why do you want to work for me?”

“I, uh. Well...it seems like a fantastic opportunity...and. Okay. Shit.” He takes a deep breath. He should be honest, for once. “Lemme be real with you, Rave, I never considered myself the religious type, you know? Then I saw the whole world die and also tons of people and also, I died, like...a lot. I saw people raise up from the dead and I saw entire planes get eaten up by black tendrils. I’ve watched my sister and my friends die countless times escaping worlds we were never supposed to be in. I’ve fought liches that fed off of suffering and pain and souls that escaped the eternal stockade. And, well, all of that...sort of seems like the kinda thing we should be stopping, you know?” He pauses again. “Plus, you are cutting me a pretty sweet deal, I gotta say.”

She regards him for a few more moments in silence. Worry begins to flood his veins, and then her smile returns.

“Interesting, Taako. However...there is one thing that concerns me, above all else.” She peers down at him, and he feels like he could crumble under her gaze. “I have seen your life. Your loyalty shifts and changes on the wind. My dear Kravitz serves me faithfully and with devotion. Barry and Lup have shown fierce dedication to many people and many causes. You, Taako, serve only yourself. You have lied to your friends. You betrayed the Bureau of Balance on nothing but a whim. You’ve killed people simply as a means to an end. You reluctantly pledged servitude to Istus for material gain. How can I trust that you will remain loyal to me?”

“Ah,” Taako says, and swallows. “Listen, I know I’m selfish, and vain, and cunning, and I won’t deny that I’ve done some...not totally great shit? That’s just how it is, sometimes. I’ve definitely been a supremo asshole. But...you’re wrong. There is someone else I’ve been loyal to my entire life. Lup.” He recalls the feeling of her forehead against his outside the castle. “She’s way better than me, honestly. The way we grew up, you couldn’t survive by being too trusting and too kind, but somehow...she managed it. She’s got more empathy in her left ear than I’ve ever had. 

She taught me what it meant to let your guard down. To trust. All of those shitty things that I did, I did while she was gone, and I forgot her. Since then...I’ve learned to open up a little. I’m loyal to the members of the IPRE, to the Bureau of Benevolence, to Angus McDonald, to Kravitz...I don’t see why you couldn’t fit in there, somewhere.” He exhales, and closes his eyes. If she’s going to smite him, he doesn’t want to see it coming. He hears her move. Slowly, he opens his eyes.

She’s standing before him and grinning. She’s got her staff raised, but she doesn’t look threatening. She looks happy. “Very well, Taako Taaco. It is time for your trials.”

Before he can ask what that means, the tip of her staff comes down on his shoulder, and he feels himself jolted away.


	6. Chapter 6

Taako wakes to feel cool stone pressed against his face. Ugh, he thinks, and stands. He brushes dust off his hair and satin robe with disdain - The Raven Queen is going to owe him for his dry cleaning. If he survives. He’s not sure what happens if he fails the trials, or what the trials were even going to involve. He feels around for the Krebstar and finds it missing. Oh well. He’s been known to improvise.

 

He takes quick stock of his environment - it’s a small town, shops and houses and taverns built too close together. It reminds him of Phandalin. There’s a noise to his right and he sees two human children chasing a mangy dog down the street as it runs. Almost too late, he realizes they’re about to crash into him - he moves, but his body is strangely slow to react. The dog is the first to hit him but instead of the impact he braced for, the dog passes right through him.

 

What. The. Fuck. 

 

There’s a group of chattering dwarves outside of a pub across the street.

 

“Hey!” He shouts, punctuating it with a ridiculous wave. They don’t react. Oh, he hates this. No one on the street can see him. He’s a ghost. A fucking invisible spectre. No. He knows how reaping works. Someone here will be able to see him, and that will be his trial. 

 

The problem is that there are a lot of people here. How is he supposed to know whose soul he’s carting off to the afterlife? He takes off in the direction the children were running, hoping to find something that will help. He’s a few blocks down when he sees it.

 

It’s different from even the last time he saw it, but he still recognizes the building. For one, it isn’t engulfed in flames. Two, it seems...newer. Fresher. The surrounding buildings are different, too, a shop where there used to be a restaurant. Still, Taako has lived too many lives in too many timelines to not realize what’s happening.

 

This town doesn’t just remind him of Phandalin. It is Phandalin. Phandalin before Barry Bluejeans, before Gundren Rockseeker turned it to ash. His stomach drops when he realizes who he must reap.

 

-

 

He finds his way to Wave Echo Cave without much thought. He hesitates at the entrance for longer than he should and he knows it. He thinks of where he would be in this timeline, if he was in his body and not a floating dipshit. He remembers waking to find the note she left and the thrum of anxiety. Why didn’t she tell him where she was going? Why didn’t she take him with her? How long will she be gone?  _ Back soon.  _ A promise. 

 

He remembers how the days ticked on and on and how the anxiety blossomed into fear. How he spent sleepless nights pouring over maps with Barry, their shared misery binding them together. The ache of disappointment each time they didn’t find her. How each day passing cemented the fear in his belly that the night of the Thong Song performance could be the last time he ever saw his sister smile. He makes it through with the stubborn hope that he can find her - alive or...not. He doesn’t think she’s dead, he thinks he’d be able to feel it, that somehow, he’d be able to know. 

 

He shakes the memories off and comes back to the present. He’s gotta go inside - she’s waiting for him. Here, and back in the astral plane. He heads into Wave Echo Cave and places a tentative hand on the wall - it slides through. He extends his arm and feels his hand touch air as it breaks through the other side. There’s exactly one benefit to being Casper’s gay cousin and that is for sure, definitely, being able to pass through walls. 

 

The cave is strangely empty. He expected goblins or dwarves or something, but there’s only darkness. Being able to float through the stone makes his trip to the inner cave quick, yet he finds himself stalling. He knows where she will be, can picture her skeleton still wearing an IPRE robe perched against the side of the cave. That memory is the past and also the future. He does not know what he will find in the present.

 

As he walks - floats, he thinks, with disdain - he begins to hear footsteps. Lup can’t see him yet. They haven’t reached the inner cave. He flings himself into the nearest wall, and realizes his incorporeal form can exist within the stone. The vertigo of being inside a wall is definitely weird but it gives him a good vantage point to watch as Lup passes with the dwarf that will kill her. She’s wearing her gauntlet and her IPRE robe, hood up. She looks determined, and weary, and looking at her brings the weight of what they did flooding back to him. She’s nervously flexing her fingers in the gauntlet, her other hand gripping the umbrastaff. 

 

The dwarf she brought along, Cyrus Rockseeker, is chattering to her as they walk, but Lup isn’t responding. She’s silent and focused. Once they are far enough ahead of him he slides out of the wall and begins to trail them. They are close, now. Soon...well. Soon he will watch his sister die again. 

 

He maintains a safe distance behind them as they approach the inner chambers of the cave. Lup speaks for the first time.

 

“You can open it?” She asks, holding her hand to her chest, eager to be rid of the gauntlet.

 

“Nah, we just came all the way here and I can’t do my job,” Cyrus says, approaching the stone doors. “Of course I can open it. Give me a sec.”

 

Taako has a wild, terrible, crazy thought. He can stop it. He can save Lup. Kravitz says magic works differently here, not that it doesn’t work at all. If he saves Lup here then she doesn’t die in this plane, she never goes missing. She comes back to the Starblaster and Taako doesn’t lose her with all of his memories. Sazed would never betray him because he would never have worked with Taako, not when Lup was there. Lup never has to experience the fear and loneliness that comes with being trapped in the umbrastaff, barely conscious and barely alive. All of these thoughts hit him at once as he watches Cyrus work the lock on the vault.

 

_ Do it. You can save her. _

 

A beat. The door begins to slide open, and Lup walks towards it.

 

_ Save her, you idiot.  _

 

He’s frozen. If he saves her, then the whole world changes. There’s a possibility that they never defeat The Hunger. If he wasn’t a disgraced tv star, would he have ever taken up adventuring? Met up with Merle and Magnus agan? Been recruited by the Bureau? His head hurts, there’s too many options. Would Lucretia have found them both, together, sent them after the relics? Would Barry have told Taako to kill him if Lup was there with them? Would Barry have remembered, and set them up to move against the Bureau of Balance? Would they end up losing this plane, as they had so many others, and moving onto the next?

 

Even...even if that’s not how any of it played out, maybe it wasn’t supposed to end the way it did. Hell, he’s lived plenty of lives. He’s seen things that definitely should not have been possible. If he saves Lup, she doesn’t have to die. And he doesn’t have to be alone. Not now, and not back then. All those years he spent before breaking the umbrastaff...they wouldn’t exist. They’ve restarted their lives plenty of times. Maybe they can survive once more.

 

Taako stares at his sister, moments before he knows that she’s going to die. He sets his jaw, and draws a long breath. He knows if he’s going to do something, it should be now. Lup doesn’t have much time left. Once the door opens, she dies. He watches as the last lock on the vault clicks open, and he waits. 

 

He can’t open his eyes to watch, but he hears the dagger cut through robe and flesh. He hears her cry of pain. He cracks his eyes open. Cyrus snatches the Phoenix Fire Gauntlet from her hand, but he underestimates Lup. He couldn’t know that Lup has fought for survival in a hundred planes, that she’s battle-ravaged and angry and guilty, that she’s a warrior with a clown’s umbrella. Nearly instantaneously, Lup grabs the umbrastaff and casts a thunder wave that knocks Cyrus into the vault. It slams shut as she falls back, breathing heavy. 

 

Taako waits. Her lich form should appear soon. Several seconds pass. He starts to get worried. More time passes. Fuck it, he thinks, and steps towards her. He has to do something. And as he approaches her, the world seems to shift. 

 

_ Her eyes are wide when she realizes her mistake. Still, she accomplished her goal. The people of this world will be safe from her relic. She waits for the familiar sting of death and then the bright explosion of her lich form. It never comes. The world grows darker at the edges. She’s dying, maybe for real this time, but how? That shouldn’t be possible. The realization scares her. They weren’t going to run away on the Starblaster this time. Nobody even knew she was here...Barry. Taako. Her heart breaks. They’ll never know what happened to her. _

 

_ She rests her head against the wall of the cave and starts to let her eyes drift close. Death is familiar, now. It shouldn’t be so scary.  _

 

_ “Taako?” Her brother is walking toward her, smiling. _

 

_ Her eyes snap open. “How? What?” She has a million questions and not nearly enough time. _

 

_ “It’s okay, it’s okay,” Taako says, kneeling beside her. His face is pained and sad and she knows that something is wrong. “I’ve got you, Lulu. I’ve always got you. You’ll be okay.” His hands reach up to cup her face and she smiles. Somehow, she thinks, it’ll all work out. She closes her eyes and presses her forehead against his. If she’s dying, she can handle it with him.  _

  
  


Taako awakes, laying flat against another cold stone floor. His memories - Phandalin - Lup - come flooding back at once. He didn’t save her. He chose this world over her life. Over himself.

 

A voice rings out in the darkness. 

“You have passed your first trial.”

 

Taako pulls himself up. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for the patience, guys. this one was more serious, which I think made it harder to write.


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